It's 4 Real: Anger Management 

Do you have a story about how anger has effected your life?

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Story 1

Titled: Angry Mom

My daughter is 5, and my son is 2 1/2. They are often terrified of their "scary" mom, and I often question whether I should have had kids. They deserve better; they are good kids. The guild is crushing. I feel as if I have been given the responsibility to provide care and nurturing to these precious angels, and am failing miserably. This morning in particular, I was sure the neighbors heard my yelling, our combined cyring, and thought that I must surely be totally insane. This isn't hwo to treat young children, too little to understand time and lateness and dependent on adults to take of care of that for them. It's heartbreaking to think that this very issue plagues so many others. I'm always bitter and jealous when I see other moms and their small children when there is no sign of any of this kind of emotional turmoil. I guess you can't always read a book by it's cover, but I'm sure that there are other women who are getting this thing right...at least the majority of the time. I don't know the answer, but I am sure that the way our society views women, children, and the conflicting opinions of staying home/working/ doing both (like I do, around my husbands schedule due to lack of childcare) are major contributing factors. It is certainly a juggly, even if the decision is to stay home and take on the job of cook-nurse-wardrobe consultant-psychiatrist-housekeeper-chauffour-tudor-coach-laundress, and still find some "quality time" in between. Compunding the problem is the lack of extended family support for many moms (and dads, of course!). We have one out of four sets of grandparents that are minimally involved with our kids, and I am appreciative for the little bit of relief they have given us...but they have only been a handful of tiimes that they have babysat, and one overnighter. they are raising two boys(my step-mothers grandchildren) and are understandably busy and tired instead of enjoying their retirement, so there isn't much left over for my kids. My husband and I are the only adults they have who really, really love and care for our kids and always put their needs first. I try to be thankful for what we have, and not focus on what we don't, but I would love for them to have a soft place to fall when I have caused them pain. Everyone is so afraid to get involved with anyone elses problems that we all just keep to ourselves and white-knucke our struggles. I know the parenting practices of history were not perfect, but having several extra pairs of hands either in the same household or next door must have been a benefit for both parents and children. This is the age of isolation.

 

Story 2

Titled: Angry Son

I have a son who is almost 18 years old and is very very angry all the time. He has 3 siblings and can't be around any of them for more then 10 minutes without an argument breaking out. He has trashed my house many times, including smashing holes in the walls. These outbursts seem to come out of the blue. He is unreasonable and demandind. He shows no sign of remorse after, at all and tells us we shouldn't have pissed him off. He blames us for all his problems. I was a young mother of four children and their father was an alcoholic but has been sober for 14 years now. He was 4 when his dad quit drinking. We have provided our children with the best life we possibly can. I work 2 jobs, thats 54 hours a week and the rest of my time is spent on the kids even though they are ages 16, 17, 19, and 21. Their dad is self-employed and is devoted to the kids also. Well recently our songs rages are so out of control we can't stand it anymore. his dad wanted to get a restraining order on him, I intervened. We are fighting about it constantly and our other children don't want to be around him appointments to see someone he refuses to go. Something else I should mention is my son is an alcoholic and smokes pot. I don't believe that this is the core of his problem though. It doen't help of course, but I think it goes beyond the drinking and getting high. He is depressed and tells us he wishes we would die, he hates us, and so on.

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